The Healing in Letting Go

Surgical Menopause: A Rebirth Through Surrender

When I awoke from surgery, I felt an almost indescribable relief — quiet, profound, and beyond words. It was as if lifetimes of pain and suffering had finally lifted. My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother had all lived with PMDD, and deep within my own healing I knew I was carrying — and releasing — a long ancestral thread of suffering.

I understood I would not have children, and that I would be the last in my lineage to hold this particular pattern in my bloodline. That knowing held both grief and peace.

Choosing surgery was not easy. It meant surrendering the vision I once held for my life — the idea of motherhood, the timeline, the identity — and stepping into a great unknown. Yet in that surrender came a kind of freedom I hadn’t known before. As a woman, I chose to release the experience of birthing a child in order to give life back to myself — to trust that healing might take a form I could not yet understand.

This decision required faith — not blind faith, but the deep, cellular knowing that some healing transcends reason. I had to trust that this path, though painful and uncertain, was my way home.

Healing rarely looks the way we imagine. Sometimes it breaks us open; sometimes it asks us to let go completely. But within that breaking, there is rebirth. Within surrender, there is peace.

It takes courage, community, and the steady grounding of nature to remember that beyond the pain, something far greater is at work — something that loves us into becoming who we truly are.

“Even in endings, life continues to bloom.” 🌸

This photo was taken when I got back to the recovery room. I remember smiling and saying, “I’m on the other side, I’m on the other side…”